Second Born Syndrom
Does your second child keep on comparing everything they get with their older sibling?
If you often notice your younger child being rude to the older one, rebelling a lot, and comparing themselves and their things to their older brother or sister, there are chances of them developing the second child syndrome.
In this article, you'll get all the details of second-child syndrome and the behavioural changes that might be the symptoms of the same.
What is a second-born syndrome?
The change in behaviour of your second child or their developing negative feelings is what can be referred to as second-born syndrome. The negative feelings may include the feeling of being less loved or wanted, the feeling of discrimination, etc. that might or might not exist from the parent's end.
What are the causes of second-born syndrome?
A child's brain is too naive and observant that they might even presume things that don't really exist. This can be one of the many reasons for developing this symptom. Other cases may include the difference in parenting methods for both the kids, the absence of uniformity in things that the kids get, or maybe the smallest negligence by parents.
The first child, for obvious reasons, has a special place in the parents' hearts. This could be seen in your treatment of children, and the younger ones could pick it up.
Here's how it begins.
We can say that the firstborn in every house is very special. So, at some point or other, they get the privilege of being special. It is possible that there's no such case with the parents, but others, like grandparents or immediate family members, might be more affectionate to the first kid.
This leads to the second born developing self-doubts and feelings of being less worthy. They might start to compare themselves with their older siblings and lack confidence in themselves.
In such a case, there are very high chances that the child will develop second-born syndrome.
This might lead to some major consequences, which includes:
- The unpleasant bond between siblings- On facing a constant comparison or noticing extra efforts for the first child might make your second child envious and start behaving absurdly towards the other one.
- Lower self-confidence- They might lose self-confidence and become more introverted. They might not open up to you as well and could face a situation of fighting with their own thoughts every time and grow up to be an individual with lower confidence.
- Growing distant- They might become quieter and grow distant from family, and siblings, who should be their first go-to person.
If you feel your second child is developing this syndrome, here are some of the dos and don'ts you should be bound to as a parent.
- Give separate time- Even if you don't notice any symptoms of the syndrome, you must take out time for each of your children. Even if you could sphere 10 minutes separately for each child, it would be a great deed for them as there would not be any scope of them being distant. If by any chance you're noticing symptoms of second-born syndrome, make sure the child gets enough attention and you're present for them.
- Include them- You might not tell the younger one a lot of things, considering the child is not mature enough, and share them with the older one. This might make them feel excluded and as if they are not allowed in that particular conversation. Avoid having a lot of such conversations in their presence. Also, tell them some of the things you find right. Give them small responsibilities. This will encourage them and make them feel included.
- Never ever compare them with the elder child or anyone- Comparison is the worst thing you can do to your child. It lowers their morale and makes them feel insecure when they are compared to their elder siblings or any other child. This might hamper their individual personalities as well. Moreover, it is in our basic nature to be envious of the person we're being compared to. So, if you compare your children, there is a chance that they will develop enmity for one another and take everything in an unhealthy competitive manner.
- Do little things that can cheer them up- If you think your younger child is facing second-born syndrome, then they might feel that you don't love them or love them somewhat less than the older one. The way to make them overcome this feeling is to prove it wrong. And to prove it wrong, you need to put in some effort. Efforts such as planning small surprises, as well as the most basic things such as asking for their opinion or simply chit-chatting with them at random, can all help a lot in this.
Not all second-born compare themselves to their elder siblings and develop second-born syndrome but a lot of them face it. You can fight it just by being a bit more patient and accepting.